Resolutions

I make resolutions every new year. Some of them are big, fundamental changes (I will be a more compassionate person this year...), and some them are lifestyle-lite resolutions (I'll drink more water). I've heard all of the cautionary tales about how making resolutions sets you up for feeling like a big fat failure, but I've never felt that way about them. I'm not saying that I've never failed at a resolution, mind you. I guess I just think that the idea of a fresh start and a new resolve is more powerful than the negative consequences of a failed resolution. Just try it again, for heaven's sake.

That's what I did in January 1986. After thirteen years of smoking, I resolved to quit on New Year's Day, and I did. But on the second and third, I was smoking again. It's true: I felt like a failure. But on January 4th, I kick-started my resolve and tried again. I made an appointment with a doctor, got a prescription for nicotine gum, and successfully quit smoking. I've taken on other big resolutions, like weight loss. Weight is my lifelong struggle, and I've lost and gained plenty of it. In 2001, I resolved to lose weight, and I did. Seventy pounds and many, many months later, I called that resolution a success, and then I started gaining. I've done that two or three times, but I keep trying.

One of my heretofore unmentioned new things in 2012 was to start working with a dietitian to see if that might help me lose weight and keep it off. When back problems led to an MRI and a diagnosis of severely degenerative discs with nerve entrapment, the doctor suggested a list of non-surgical treatments, weight loss among them. For the first time in my life, losing weight is about feeling physically better rather than looking physically better. We'll see if that makes a difference. I see the dietitian once a month and email her in between. She weighs me, we talk about what I'm eating and my exercise, she talks me down off the ledge after I eat too many Christmas treats, and she gives me goals each month. It has been painfully slow, mostly because my back problems have made exercise hard. I've lost fifteen pounds, though. Hope springs eternal.

This last New Years eve, I sat on the couch considering my resolutions. I came up with the usual suspects: keep losing weight, exercise more, gossip less. My favorite resolution is this one, though. Do NOT fall asleep on the couch in the evening. In 2012, I developed the bad habit of eating dinner, taking a walk, and then zonking out on the couch until bedtime. I'd toss and turn all night long then, and wake up exhausted. For the last four nights, I've refused to allow myself to do this, and it's like I've discovered this gigantic cache of time that I'd forgotten existed. I've used it to cook soup, organize trip photos, take down Christmas decorations, fix computer problems, read magazine articles, watch movies...and I'm only four days into the new year. I even think my sleep might be a bit better. This might be my best resolution yet.

Here's to the new year and to successful resolutions. I'm keenly aware of the potential for failure, but that won't stop me from trying.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad